


this is how it's always been

by ace8013, and_hera



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not betaed we die like men, Outing, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, discussion of 68, jules projecting abt lost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:21:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26764240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ace8013/pseuds/ace8013, https://archiveofourown.org/users/and_hera/pseuds/and_hera
Summary: “Jack, you could come too,” he says. “I’m sure everyone would be glad to hear that you’re doing well.”“What, everyone?” Jack says lightly. “It’s not like I ever made it to King Falls, Ben. I doubt many people are looking forward to hearing from me, not including the few that do live in this apartment.”“Wait, Jack,” Ben says, “do you… do you not know?”“I’ve been getting that question a lot, lately,” Jack says dryly. “I’m not sure what you’re referring to this time.”orjacks still getting caught up on what he missed
Relationships: Ben Arnold & Sammy Stevens, Ben Arnold/Emily Potter, Sammy Stevens & Jack Wright & Lily Wright, Sammy Stevens/Jack Wright
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	this is how it's always been

**Author's Note:**

> TW panic attack
> 
> hello its feep and jules at it again w the sad garbage no braincells enjoy
> 
> tile from all ive ever known hadestown

“This show is so dumb,” Sammy says, barely watching it. 

“I can’t believe we watched all of this,” Jack agrees, his head leaned against Sammy’s shoulder. “Ben controlling the smoke monster was a stupid twist.”

“I  _ what _ ,” Ben calls from the kitchen, peeking his head through the doorway from the kitchen.

Sammy laughs, and then he yawns. “Jack in the Box, it’s late,” he says. He leans his head on Jack’s, and Jack smiles. “I guess some things are still the same,” he continues, looking back at the TV. “People are still mad about the ending.”

“As they should be,” Jack agrees. “Can’t believe it was fucking Purgatory all along.”

Ben walks into the living room, finally, a monster energy drink in his hand and a notebook in the other. “Maybe it’s for the best I never got into this show,” he says.

Sammy says, “are you drinking an energy drink at ten p.m.?”

“Lily and I have been pulling double shifts now that the station is open again and since you aren’t back on the air,” Ben says, and now that Jack is looking, he can see bags under Ben’s eyes. The guy’s energetic enough that he doesn’t even look tired, though, at least not yet. “Wink wink. Nudge nudge. Take your time, of course, but Sammy, I miss our show!”

Sammy rolls his eyes, and sighs. “Maybe I will,” he says, “if only to get you to get more sleep.”

Ben cheers (a sort of “woooo” under his breath) and opens his notebook, clicking his mechanical pencil until the lead comes out. “Jack, you could come too,” he says. “I’m sure everyone would be glad to hear that you’re doing well.”

“What, everyone?” Jack says lightly. “It’s not like I ever made it to King Falls, Ben. I doubt many people are looking forward to hearing from me, not including the few that do live in this apartment.”

“And Emily,” Sammy adds.

“And Emily,” Jack agrees.

“Wait, Jack,” Ben says, “do you… do you not know?”

“I’ve been getting that question a lot, lately,” Jack says dryly. “I’m not sure what you’re referring to this time.”

Sammy lifts his head up off of Jack, and Jack sits up, too. “Jack,” Sammy says. “I- obviously, I’m-  _ we’re  _ out to everyone here.”

“Yeah, and I’m proud of you for that,” Jack replies. “I know you never really wanted to come out, but I’m glad you found people you feel you can trust.”

“Jack,” Sammy says carefully, “I got outed.”

Jack freezes. “Oh, God, Sam,” he says, “I- are you-”

“I’m fine,” Sammy says, before he can ask. “It was… it was a few years ago. The guy who did it is the fucking  _ worst _ , and no one ever forgave him, practically ran his business into the ground, but- it wasn’t my choice to tell people.”

Jack takes his hand, squeezes it. “I’m so sorry,” he says, and then he thinks about it longer, and says, “Wait. Did he out you to  _ everyone _ ? The town ran his business to the ground?”

Ben clears his throat. “I’m- I’m gonna go work in my room,” he says softly. “I’m sorry for bringing it up- I thought you knew, Jack.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jack says absentmindedly, and Ben leaves. “Sammy,” Jack says, “there’s something else, right? How did this guy tell the whole town? How did he  _ know _ ?”

Sammy says, “Well, he knew because of Lily.”

Jack stops him before he can go any further. “ _ Lily _ ? Sammy, I- I don’t-  _ what _ ?”

“She came to town with her podcast,” Sammy says, like he’s reciting something. And Jack knows him, and he knows he’s just trying not to remember how awful he must have felt, but it’s still unsettling. “She said it wasn’t because of you or me, but I think it always was, really. The podcast, everything. And she called in one night that Ben was out sick and she- well, she  _ insinuated  _ some things.”

“I’m going to have a conversation with her,” Jack says. “This- this isn’t- that’s not  _ okay,  _ Sam-”

“I  _ know _ ,” Sammy says. “We’ve- we’ve talked, since then. Neither of us were in a good place. I think I needed to be called out, anyway, even if she shouldn’t have done it live. It’s alright.”

“It’s a dick move,” Jack replies, “but alright. If you’re okay.”

“That’s not the part I needed to talk to you about,” Sammy says.

Jack scoots a little closer to him, still holding his hand. “What happened,” he asks.

“When G- when the guy outed me, I- well, I freaked. I panicked and I broke the board. And Ben asked me what he meant, and I thought we were off the air, God, Jack, you have to know that, I thought we were off the air. The light was off, and the board was shattered- I don’t know  _ how  _ it was still working-”

“Sammy,” Jack says, a little shaky, “what happened.”

“I told Ben everything,” Sammy says softly. “Because I had been meaning to tell him, I  _ should  _ have told him from the start, but I didn’t, and now I had to. I told him about you, and me, and Lily, and everything. And I thought we were off the air.”

“Oh, God,” Jack says, and he pulls his legs up onto the couch. “Does everyone-”

Sammy takes Jack’s hands into his own, squeezes them, rubs his fingers between his own. “I’m so sorry,” he says quietly. “It was live, and everyone heard about- about us, about  _ you _ .”

Then Sammy takes Jack’s hand and puts it on his own chest and breathes in slowly, and Jack realizes that he’s breathing too fast, and he can’t get his thoughts together right. 

“No, no, no,” He whispers, backing up from Sammy as much as he can, back hitting the edge of the couch, because he needs space to breathe, and his chest hurts, and oh god, he needs to get out, so he stands up and keeps backing up until he’s near the front door-

Lily and Emily walk in, rosy-cheeked and smiling, arm in arm. Lily’s face drops immediately when she sees him, though, and Emily’s not soon after. “Jack, oh my God, are you okay?” Lily says, letting go of Emily’s arm and putting her phone down on the table. He hears footsteps, and there’s Sammy again, right there behind him, and there’s no room to breathe and nowhere to go so he just falls to the floor and puts his head between his knees. 

He does catch his breath, eventually. Lily probably told them that he needs space, and they must have backed up a little, so when he lifts his head up he’s a few feet away from everyone else. They’re all still there, though, looking confused and, in Sammy’s case, terrified. Jack’s crying now. When did he start crying?

“Can I come over?” Sammy asks quietly, and Jack nods, but says, “Not too close,” so Sammy sits on the floor a little closer to him than before. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he says. “I- I don’t know what else to say. It’s- it’s-”

“It’s my fault, really,” Lily cuts in. “I was an asshole on the radio, and I’m the reason Frickard knew.”

Jack’s sure that he’s heard that name before, but he doesn’t really think about it for too long. “It’s okay,” he says quietly, and his voice is hoarse. “I just- I didn’t know that everyone knew. We hid for  _ so  _ long,” He looks up at Sammy, “It’s just- just  _ scary _ . It always seemed like the  _ nightmare scenario,  _ y’know? With Ben and Emily, it was okay, because-”

“They’re family,” Sammy says.

“Yeah,” Jack says. He looks at Emily, and she smiles sadly at him. “It’s fine. It  _ should  _ be fine. I’ll be fine, eventually, I just- have to get used to it, I guess.”

“To be fair, Sammy also called me gay in my podcast,” Lily says in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Like, yeah, I didn’t have to keep it in, but.”

“You guys really didn’t stop hating each other after I was gone, did you,” Jack says weakly, and Sammy laughs a little. 

Ben chooses that exact moment to leave his den of empty monster cans, filled notebooks, Emily’s old sweaters to get a snack, and he freezes once he sees everyone sitting in a group on the floor. “What happened,” he says slowly, pulling an earbud out of his ear.

Sammy shrugs. Ben pulls his other earbud out and flops down next to Emily. “We just…. hangin’ out, then?”

“Something like that,” Jack says under his breath.

“I’m sorry,” Sammy whispers again.

Jack reaches over to squeeze his hand. “I know. And it’ll be okay eventually, I think. I just need to start being less…  _ scared. _ ”

Emily says, “It’ll come with time. Most things do.”

“I hope so,” Jack replies. Sammy laces his fingers in Jack’s, and Jack leans over to rest his head on Sammy’s chest.

Lily stands and leans down to kiss Jack’s forehead. “I love you,” she says, ruffling his hair.

“She  _ does _ have feelings!” Sammy whispers sarcastically.

She doesn’t respond, just flips them off as she walks into the kitchen. 

Ben says, “Are you- are you alright, Jack?”

Jack says, “I think I will be. Eventually.” Sammy wraps his free arm around Jack and presses a kiss into his hair, and Jack almost believes it.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> sweet catch us on twit we wrote this in an hour read our other fics they r better
> 
> @lcvelaces  
> @THINKFVST


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